Actor, Author, ex-con, cartoon star,
and former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson is getting a comeback
title shot next month at the ripe old age of 48.
Current champ
Wladimir Kitschko is putting his three title belts on the line to fight the aging
Tyson in what will be sure to be a major pay-for-view event for fans, as well
as a big payday for both fighters.
“I mean who
the hell is Wladimir Kits…Kitsco…kitty cats, anyway?” asked Mike Tyson to a
room of reporters trying desperately to stifle their laughs.
”I had to
Google it, ’cause I had no idea who this chump champ was. Boxing needs me,
ain’t nobody have to Google Mike Tyson. I’ve got the most recognizable face in
sports, maybe the world, and that was even before the face tattoo. I still got
it. Shit, I’m not even training for this one. Just watch. I’ll knock his ass
down in one punch.”
Insider
reports say that the fight could net Tyson a near $5 million payday, win or
lose.
“Yeah, you know, I don’t even wanna
fight that bad. It’s not that I can’t, I just don’t care. But I do care about
that money, baby,” said Tyson. “I need to make it now, and not piss it all away
like last time. That cartoon show money isn’t going to come rolling in forever.”
”My man Iron
Mike is back, and the world of boxing has suffered in his absence,” said
legendary boxing promoter Don King.
“No one cares
about boxing anymore, all you hear about is the mixed martial arts. It’s sad
when two men hugging each other on a mat is more popular than boxing. That’s
why me and Mike have come out of retirement," Don King continued.
"Don’t
listen to Mike when he says it’s for the money – heck, after my 70% off the top
he won’t have much left anyway.
"This
fight, it’s about pride in the sport. Pride in America. It’s about showing age
is just a number and you’re never to old to achieve your dreams. And yeah,
okay, it’s about the money too.”